Thank you

Oh my goodness, recovering from surgery is so much harder than I had mentally prepared for. The highs and lows. The good moments when I feel great and the moments where I am sobbing in bed, frustrated and in pain. But recovering has been made SO MUCH easier thanks to my family and friends.

Saying thank you is so inadequate. The overwhelming love and I support I am feeling is humbling. What am I doing with my life to be so deserving of such warmth and love? And how can I truly repay everyone? 

Both my mom and my dad commented on how well I am recovering from the surgery and honestly, it's not me, it's nothing I am doing. It is the overwhelming love of my friends and family that is healing me. And not just healing my body, but they are healing my soul. I feel so blessed and honored to have such amazing people supporting me.

I can't begin to describe the humility I feel seeing so many around me show how much they care. It's not in their words, they could all not utter a word and I would still feel their love. It is in the actions, the numerous phone calls, flowers, cards, gifts, messages, posts and prayers! Oh my goodness, I feel your prayers. It's like a thick warm blanket has been wrapped around me. 

 

It has been a fantastic time for reflection on who I am and what I am putting out in the world. I believe you get back 10 fold whatever you put out. If it’s negative, that will always come back. But I've tried so hard to do things the right way, fix the wrongs, mend the broken fences and tonight, I am rewarded with the harvest. 

My heart has been so hardened over the last couple months and I've been so full of anger and bitterness for the past year really. But today I feel as if every ounce of that hurt and anger has been sapped away and replaced with love and hope. 

I feel a drastic change has come over me and I can only hope and pray that this new feeling stays with me and keeps the bitterness from invading again. I want to feel this much peace every day. This much happiness and joy. 

The first change I want to make it the way I see myself. For the past 15 years I've done nothing but hate (I know that's a strong word but its true) the way my body has looked. Wishing I had more curves in some places, less curves in others. I’ve criticized every picture that has been taken of me because it showed all my flaws and imperfections. But I look at those old pictures now (the ones I hated) I think MAN I wish I looked like that again. Wishing… always wishing for something different. Well I’ve wished away the 15 years, 15 YEARS that I cannot get back. And I am done wishing.

This body that I’ve wished away has danced center stage in the spotlight, cheered at football games, rocked my babies to sleep, walked down lonely dirt roads, climbed mountains. This body has fallen, and gotten back up. And this body is mine. This is the body I chose in the pre-existence. And started today, I choose to love it, to love me. Love every scare and extra curve. I refuse to hid from any unflattering photo again, let them be posted, because they are me. This is who I am, this is the life I choose before I was born and I don’t want to wish away another moment.

I know it's never too late to make things right and take the better path. I want to live every single moment to the fullest. There are going to be more challenges, more tough times. But in each challenge there are blessing. And the blessings will absolutely come to you when you need them the most! 

Never give up, love yourself and be thankful for one blessing, or two, at a time. 

My Stake Conference Talk - November 8, 2014 "Finding True Happiness Through the Gospel"

Finding True Happiness through 

The Gospel of Jesus Christ

 

Funny how things work out, I've been feeling like I really wanted to speak in Sacrament Meeting, and more than just bearing my testimony. I kept thinking I should really talk to someone in the Bishopric, but seriously who volunteers to speak? Do people do that? Well I keep having this prompting, and desire to REALLY want to speak, but I never acted on it. Well a couple weeks ago I received a phone call asking me to speak, however this is a slightly bigger venue than I was anticipating.  However because I've been wanting to speak I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but when I sat down to write out my thoughts, something completely different came out...

“Our strength and our peace and our happiness are in the Lord. ... If we will acknowledge him, be thankful, serve him, love his children, and accept the responsibilities of being truly Christian, we will be happy, notwithstanding problems or troubles.” —Elder Marion D. Hanks 

I want to tell you a story about a young girl whose path to happiness was a long jagged road.

This girl came from a good family, in good home with good friends. But she always felt a void inside. She felt lost and alone. She searched and searched for peace and happiness everywhere. But when you look everywhere, you look down the wrong roads. These roads led her down of path of poor choices and putting her trust in the wrong people.

At 17, feeling terrified she became a mother.

When she was in her 20’s she continued looking for peace and happiness, only to find pain.

At the age of 30 she reached her low. She lost her home, her car had broken down and was unable to afford the repairs, and was out of work and now had three young children in tow.

One night she sat alone watching her children sleep on the floor, sobbing, and wondering how she had gone this far down the wrong path, when all she was searching for was happiness.

Elder Costa of the Seventy said “Many people in this world do not understand the difference between fun and happiness. Many try to find happiness having fun, but the two words have different meanings.”

Having fun is an emotion you having in the moment. It’s the feeling you have when participating in an activity that makes you feel temporarily uplifted. But the moment that activity ends, the feeling ceases. It’s like when you take a child to an amusement park. They will have fun all day, lots of smiles and laughs and memories made but when it’s time to go, their attitude changes instantly to sadness, anger or frustration. This is because the moment that activity stops, the fun stops so and those emotions they were feeling stop.  But true happiness is something that endures beyond the moment and gives you a feeling of satisfaction. Have you ever had a stranger give you a compliment? The moment they walked away did that feeling stop or did it carry on? Most of the time, that feeling will carry on with you the rest of the day. The feeling endures, you felt real happiness.

The story I told you a moment ago is my story. All of my life I have been searching for happiness in fun. And never have I found the peace I was looking for. As I mentioned I have an amazing family, true friends. I was even coming to church and church activities fairly often, but I never made the choice to be baptized, I always held back. I had this feeling of anxiety. A few days after that night where I broke down watching my children sleep I asked advice from a friend. He said “when was the last time you picked up your scriptures?” I laughed. He said “No, I’m asking you seriously” I froze a little, and said “I don’t know… probably not since high school??” He said very firmly “That’s where you need to start.” And so I did.

A few weeks later I was offered a job. It was seasonal but it was full time, and I could even bring my kids with me if I needed to. When that job ended I was offered a better, permanent job. Three months later I was offered my dream job, doing what I loved working for an advertising agency. In that time frame I was able to borrow a car from my parents, move into my own place and began dating an amazing man, who is now my husband. Now I get to stay home with my children, and my husband and I have just started our own agency so I can do what I love and be right where my children need me. Things were far better than that night but I felt like I was still missing a piece of the puzzle.

About a year and half ago, my baby brother joined the military. And his first week was brutal. He was really struggling and very homesick.I told him to pray. Pray for peace and strength. We found out right before his boot camp graduation that he had been baptized into the church.

And an idea hit me, here I was giving advice to my brother on how to be closer to Our Heavenly father and His Son, and my brother was making those sacred covenants and following the plan laid out before us, I wasn’t. I decided it was time.

Shortly after my brother's baptism our amazing relief society president asked if I would like to have the missionaries start coming by. I knew in my heart that I was ready and it was time. One afternoon there was a knock on my door. I answered to find the missionaries standing there with smiles. I had met one of the missionaries before but he was coming by to introduce us to his new companion. So I asked the first question we always ask missionaries. “Where are you from?” With a wide grin he said Tucson, Arizona. I excitedly said “ME TOO!” Then he asked which high school I attended. His mouth literally dropped open as I told him. He said “I JUST graduated from there last spring.” We chatted for several minutes talking about places we knew and found out that we knew several people in common, one was one of my best friends to this day. That evening I was SO excited to tell my friend about my meeting with the missionaries. When I messaged she promptly responded “NIC! All of those times in in school when I’d invite you to activities or dances… his mom was my young women’s adviser. It was his mom that kept encouraging me to reach out to you.” His family continued to reach out to me. And Elder Gurvine picked up the work where is mom left off all those years ago. 6 months ago I was baptized and I was so honored to have Elder Gurvine be the one to perform the baptism.

Today, our lives are by no means easy. But piece by piece we are finding true joy, true enduring happiness. That void I have felt most of my life is shrinking little by little. Every time I am doing something of service for those around me or am serving our Father in Heaven, that hole inside of me shrinks a little more. This year has been beyond for us. The adversary has no doubt been working overtime on our little family. But every time we pick up our scriptures, attend church or serve others we gain another small victory. Financially this year has been very tight, but two days after I was called to serve in the Young Women’s Presidency in my ward, my husband received a significant promotion at work, easing so much of our burdens. Now I could go on and on about blessings we’ve received when we do the work. But each one of you, in your hearts, already know this to be true. That is the covenant we made. When we serve Him and those around us and He, in turn, will bless us. And those blessings bring true happiness that will endure to the end.

I want to leave you with one final comment. This was a conversation with my brother when I mentioned to him how nervous I was about speaking to you today:

Scott: Ok, so you really think that you are going to be up there alone?

Me: What do you mean?

        Yes I have to stand at the podium alone.

Scott: Think about it, You're going to be speaking to who knows how many people. About God. About what you feel and telling other people how to find happiness in HIM. You really think He's going to let you go through that alone? Ya it may be you saying the words. But it's Him speaking through YOU..... You may be standing up there alone. But you won't be alone. He is going to be right there beside you every step of the way. Every second you spend up there. He will be right there with you. Speaking into your ear.

My Sacrament Talk - March 2015 "Climbing Mountains"

Sacrament Talk I gave in March 2015: "Climbing Mountains"

(Image of Mt. McLoughlin from http://www.summitpost.org/mount-mcloughlin/150504)

My grandmother was my biggest cheerleader. No matter what happened in my life, good or bad, she was always the first to call me and say "Grandpa and I love you so much, we are so proud of you". Almost three years ago, she passed away. And there are days I still desperately need that phone call. But now, when things are crazy I get out of my house and go look at "Our Mountain", Mt. McLoughlin.

I call it "My Mountain" because my grandma called it "Her Mountain" after she climbed McLoughlin on her 19th birthday. She loved that mountain and always said that climbing it was one of her greatest accomplishments. On the night of her funeral, My brother and I got the crazy Idea to climb it for her on what would have been her 75th birthday just a few short weeks away.

 It was truly the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Anytime I need inspiration I stare up at that mountain and I relive the day I climbed it. It was something I wanted to do more than anything else, even though people told me I shouldn't, that didn't matter to me, I wanted it. The night before my dad called me and said "I don't think this is a good idea." I told him, "Dad, don't worry. I've been studying the trail guides for the past month. I know the reference points I am supposed to watch for. I'm ready"

So at 6:30 the next morning we hit the trail head with my youngest brother, my son and my son's friend.

Hour 1: was so hard. I couldn't catch my breath, I felt like I had to stop every few minutes, my pack was uncomfortable, my clothes were bugging me, I was miserable. I started thinking "what am I doing? I have no business doing something like this" and I kept looking back towards the parking lot.  But I'm stubborn so I kept walking..

Hour 2: The guilt really started to set in. "Why did I think I could do this? What am I going to put my family through if I fall half-way up, I should just turn around..." I was sure at this point, it wasn't a matter of if, but when I was going to have to be life-flighted off the mountain. Then what would happen to these boys I am supposed to be leading?

Hour 3: was the best hour! I found my stride, the pace started to get easier and I started to enjoy it. The boys had worked to improve my mood. We started hiking with another group of hikers and were having a good time. We reached the tree line and felt for the first time like we were making progress.

Hour 4: it REALLY started to get hard, somehow in the fun we were having in hour three, we got off the path and ended up in the bolder fields along the front of the mountain. This is where most hikers get lost because the trail isn't well marked past the tree line. I had put the trail guides in my pack and stopped looking for reference points. Every step we took was a test of strength, climbing over and around these boulders trying to get back to the path, and trying not to panic worried we were on the verge of getting lost. But I had my brother and my son there encouraging me along when I felt like I couldn't go anymore. After about an hour we made it back to the path. And as we took a short break we looked up and for the first time could see the summit. Our goal was so close!

Hour 5: The final stretch of the climb is no longer a test of strength, it is 100% mental. I could see my family up a head, my brother kept calling to me but I just waived him on. There I was, just me and the mountain I was determined to conquer. The mountain went silent and for the next hour I do not remember anyone else there but me. Now, what some people don't realized is at the top of the mountain, it's all volcanic ash. So every step you take, you slide back 6 inches; there is no traction, nothing but sheer determination and will is going to keep you moving forward. I wanted to cry, or curse, but I kept putting one foot in front of the other. I remember talking out loud, saying "Grandma, I don't know how you did this. You may have to push my hiney up this stupid hill. I'm not sure I can make it." Then I began to silently pray for help, "Lord, I can't do this without you. I can't do this."  My pace slowed to a virtual crawl, there I was on my hands and knees worn out with exhaustion. I looked up and there was a small boulder about 10 feet in front of me, almost glowing, I thought I will be make it there and rest. Just about the time I made to that small boulder there was another one, I kept climbing. Then, another one. Finally, I stood up and I realized I had reached the top. My emotions overwhelmed me; accomplishment, sorrow and exhaustion. Tears streamed down my face as I stood at the summit where my grandmother stood 56 years before. My brother stood there with his arms wide open and gave me the biggest hug.

My favorite talk is by President Henry B Erying gave a talk called "Mountains to Climb" He first quoted President Spencer W Kimball "There are great challenges ahead of us, giant opportunities to be met. I welcome that exciting prospect and feel to say to the Lord, humbly, Give me this mountain, give me these challenges" Whenever I struggle and have challenges in my life, I go find a spot to stop and look up and my mountain, remind myself that I can overcome whatever struggles are ahead. I tell myself these same words "Give me this mountain, give me these challenges" and feel a renewed energy to keep moving forward. President Eyring reminds us that the Lord promised "I will not forsake thee" then he goes on to talk about laying a solid foundation in faith and without that the power to endure will crumble.  He says

"the ground must be carefully prepared for our foundation in faith to withstand the storms that will come into every life. That solid basis for a foundation is personal integrity...choosing the right consistently whenever the choice is placed before us creates the solid ground under our faith."

So what I wanted to ask you is what hour are you in right now?

Are you in Hour 1, sitting there completely uncomfortable, not sure if you are on the right path  and looking for the exits?

Are you in Hour 2, feeling the weight and guilt of every decision you've made and wondering if you are making the right choices now to lead your family to the summit?

Are you in Hour 3, all of us want to live our entire lives only in Hour 3. Things are good, you're climbing those mountains, making progress. Making new friends. Life is enjoyable and almost easy. But the tricky part about Hour 3 is, if you stay in hour 3 you will never make it to the summit. You have to face those struggles and challenges in order to humble yourself to truly feel faith. President Eyring talked about in this talk that he prayed and asked for a test. His prayer was answered almost immediately. But it taught him that God had heard his prayer but he also learned that great blessings come from adversity. I grew up in Tucson and have had several opportunities to visit the biosphere. All of the tress inside the biosphere are tipped over. When building the biosphere they forgot to account for wind. It's the storms that make the trees strong. Just as the storms in our lives make our faith strong.

Are you in Hour 4, where you have lost your way? Have you stopped looking at your trail guides and reference points? What are your trail guides and reference points? These were my grandmothers scriptures. These were her trail guides. Are you using yours? Or are they in your pack? What are your reference points? Our church leaders and prophets, look to them. They are our reference points

 I want each one of you to know is this journey in life is all about Hour 5. We all are headed the same way and though we may start out on this path together, in the end we each have our own journey to make, and we will each arrive in our own time. That day I climbed my mountain, some people raced ahead of me. My brother and my son made it to the summit before I did. They had their own journey and I'm sure if you asked them both, they would each have a different story to tell. Some people fell behind, some turned around and gave up. In reading back through my notes of that day I was reminded of a husband and wife that were also climbing. The wife, worn with exhausting gave up and stopped hiking. The husband continued on, without looking back. Now I could say a lot of different things about what I thought of that man that but it was a reminder that its the same with faith. Each individual person is responsible for their journey. Again, some people may fall behind, some may give up This reminded me of another talk by Pres. Eyring  he talked about a friends grandmother that had lived a faithful life. Yet another grandson had lost his way and ended up in prison: "as she drove along a highway to visit her grandson, had tears in her eyes as she prayed with anguish, "I've tried to live a good life. Why, why do I have this tragedy of a grandson who seems to have destroyed his life?"

The answer came to her mind in these words: "I gave him to you because I knew you could and would love him no matter what he did.""

Love, those around you no matter what. Know that their journey is theirs to make, in their own time. Lay the foundation of faith, for them. But remember, you are on your own journey as well. Remember your trail guides, and look to your reference points.  I know this journey will take me a little longer than the nine and half hours I spent on my mountain. And I know that to get where I am going, I cannot make it without getting on my knees looking up and saying "Lord, I cannot do this without you." And when we make it to the summit I know my father in heaven, my savior and my loved ones that made it ahead of me will again, be waiting for me with their arms wide open. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

One Rain Cloud At Time

So tonight’s post is completely random. Basically… I have nothing to write about but felt inspired to write. So we’ll see what comes out :-\

The past couple days I’ve been feeling blah with a side of laziness. I don’t know, maybe it’s because the insane amount of stress I’ve been under for the past year is finally loosening up. It was like running the longest marathon in history and now it’s time to recover. Therefore my body is like “nope, we are just going to lay here and chill.” Honestly I am so give out/lazy that while putting a toy away in my little boys room today I started eyeing my five year olds bed.

Yes, yes I did..

The next thing I knew he was standing over me waking me up wondering why I took a nap on his bed?? Then said “Mama, you know what makes my bed even MORE comfty??” (comfty is totally a word our house) He then raced over and grabbed one of his favorite blankies and covered me up. Wow – mom fail, of epic proportions, but so sweet on my son’s part.  

Or maybe it’s the weather. Seriously. While the rest of the US had a horrible record setting winter, we had nada. Then an early spring. But now the weather is just murky. Grey, cloudy, cool-ish days with a few sprinkles. Like even the weather can’t work up the energy to really do something, I know how you feel Mother Nature, I’m there with you.

The problem with this mood is it snowballs SO quickly. Next thing you know I’ve stopped working out, like nothing in – eeeek – 6 days. I’ve had massive amounts of junk food, which really doesn’t motivate me to accomplish anything and doesn’t nothing to help the waistline. All I really feel motivated to do is curl up with a “comfty” blanket and read a really good book. And sometimes that’s ok. But I’ve had several days to do so and now it’s time to get rolling again.

Yea this little self pep talk isn’t helping either, LOL how’s it working for you?? I think I’ll just turn on an episode of Longmire and settle into bed.

But tomorrow is a new day, a chance to start fresh with hopefully some motivation in the sunshine (that’s not in the forecast tomorrow) one rain cloud at a time. 

One Intention At A Time

April 22, 2015

Earth Day

Hmm. Thinking about the Law of Attraction this morning, and it happens to be Earth Day. I find that connection interesting, but I digress.

I’ve believed in Law of Attraction for a long time now, but for some reason I felt the need to step back and ponder, is that the reason for everything going on in my life? Two days ago I wrote about all of the pain and drama in my life for the past 12 months. Since I’ve switched my laptop over to my personal account I’ve “lost” that writing. Although, maybe that’s the way it should be. Write it all out, then get rid of it. Almost like an unintentional cleansing.

But back to what I was saying, I have to go back further than 12 months to look at the changes in my life. In fact I can pin-point the exact moment everything in my world changed drastically (rarely do we get the opportunity to have such a pivotal moment). Everything was going so well in my life. I had finally moved back into my own little place (that I loved, it felt SO good, it had an amazing energy if you will), I was dating an amazing man and falling head over heels in love. I had gone from having an ok job (which in itself was a relief) to being offered my dream job, even though just two months before I had been turned down for the exact same job. To then receiving an increase to full time, benefits and raise in pay at my new job. Then... my apartment flooded. It sounds silly, but when the moment happened, nothing was the same. I honestly thought about listing the downhill spiral that has occurred since then, but I have no more desire to continue to bring up the negative.

But even though my apartment recovered, after an extensive remodel, I’ve never quite recovered. And have only focused on the negative aspects of my life since that moment. Don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of good moments since that point, but I’ve never been able to completely let go and get back to the utter peace I had in my heart “before the flood”.

My point is, in that moment my rose colored glasses shattered and I focused on the negative mostly. So therefore, I continue to have more and more negative.

Now some will say, but wait, you are Christian, you can’t believe in the “Law of Attraction” that’s New Age hype. Is it? But I always felt the two should blend together. And this morning I found a great little blog talking about just this. I will link it here. The Author, Andrew Freed, lists several biblical references that introduce the concept of the Law of Attraction.  The one the resonated the most with me was Proverbs 23:7 “As he thinks in his heart, so he is…” He’s got several more great references, and his post is worth the read. (I did continue to read Proverbs further and read 23:9 for the first time, THAT was an “Ah-ha!” moment in and of itself, but that’s another post for another day).

But the scripture tells us that what’s in our heart, where our intentions are, that’s who we become, what we bring into our lives. I believe that whatever we are verbalizing and worrying and discussing, the adversary is using those fears and worries to break our faith. Praying upon those weaknesses that we are sharing over and over to challenge our hearts further, and harden them.

I know that I must continue to work to find the positive in my life in order to bring my life back into peace and balance. My goal is to make my home a sanctuary instead of a place of tension and drama. So that when anyone walks into my home they are filled with a sense of love and welcoming. I truly believe that will help each of us stay positive, stay on the path we need to be on to bring the good into our lives. Help us let go of the drama and negativity of the world outside and bring good into our lives.

One intention at a time. ;)

Our Heavenly Father - One Prayer at a Time

With all of the chaos that has been created over the past month I have been focused on our Heavenly Father intensely of late. Today I was reminded of a documentary, that I LOVE. The History Channels "The Real Face of Jesus from The Shroud of Turin"

I LOVE how science is used to prove Jesus is exactly who we all believe He was. For those who want proof. For those who claim to need tangible evidence of the miracle of the Resurrection, here it is. 

But that got me thinking. I watched "Heaven is for Real" when it was released in theaters and I loved it. And when I saw the painting that Akiane Kramarik did, it stirred something in my soul. Something that says truth. So I began wondering, how similar are the two portrayals? They each claim to be actual portrayals of Christ. If they are both are truly genuine, it would stand to reason the two images would resemble one another. So, I googled images of both... Below are the images side by side.....

Look at the facial structure. The nose, cheekbones, brow bones. The portrayals of Christ are SO similar. The resemblance is undeniable. When looking at the two images, my heart and soul are filled with warmth and love. 

I spoke recently about looking to Him in hard times. But in order to look to Him, you need to know Him. For some we need a face, though in the scriptures we are told in faith we will "know" Him by His presence. But to see His Face, His bright eyes looking back at me, it fills my soul with peace, knowing through Him and His Father in Heaven, my Father in Heaven, all things are possible. I am so thankful for His sacrifice.I know I can overcome my challenges, Climb my Mountains, and will keep focusing .... One Prayer at a Time.  

One Battle At A Time

So I've mentioned I don't LOVE our arrangement with the charter school for our homeschool curriculum. It does make my job easier however I dislike the lack of flexibility. Not to mention my serious dislike for anything Common Core, specifically the standardized tests.

I got a phone call from the school last week saying it was time to bring the kids in for the Standardized testing. I called them back and left a message saying we were opting out. I received a phone call back today:

School: " We've checked and you may opt out for your kindergartner but you may NOT opt out for your 6th grader."

Me: "And which test is this again?"

School: "The Smarter Balanced testing"

Me: "No, I've looked into it, and we are allowed to opt out."

School: "No, I just spoke with the testing coordinator and it is Mandatory. Everyone who homeschools, REGARDLESS, must submit state testing one a year"

Me: "Ummm, no. The law requires a test being submitted to the state in 3rd, 5th, 8th and ... 10th grade for all homeschoolers. Not every year. So we will be opting out."

School: "No, the testing is mandatory."

Me: "I am going to look into this because I know I have seen the opt out forms online. I can go and download one....."



.....dial tone.......

Yep. She hung up on me. It's too bad really.... I liked her.

I looked into the opt-out options again and found a sample letter online that meets the requirements for opting out, printed it out and promptly went to the post office to send it by certified mail. :)

Why go to all of this hassle? Because I believe we HAVE to start taking a stand for the things we believe in. I am also thankful I have been doing MY homework all along and knew the laws so I could not be buffaloed into believing the lie I was told. It's a little unnerving standing up to a school when they tell you that you must conform.

Have you ever seen the movie a Bugs Life? We out number the grasshoppers people! We have to start locking arms and saying enough is enough. Thank goodness I am not the only Flik out there that is willing to take a little abuse and have everyone think you are crazy for a bit. There are so many people who have stood up before me and are there to guide me and show me the way.

The whole reason we homeschool is because we believe there is a better way. A better way for the kids to learn in a safer, more loving, more flexible environment. The public school system was modeled after the Russian public school system which was designed to produce a massive work force... workers. Not thinkers. I want my kids to be thinkers. I want to teach my kids to learn how to think, not what to think. To be creative and explore the world. Not just take what's been put in front of them.

This is why I push back, because I am creating a future generation of thinkers and explorers. Not just creating worker bees, and I'll do it one battle at a time.