Oh my goodness, recovering from surgery is so much harder than I
had mentally prepared for. The highs and lows. The good moments when I feel
great and the moments where I am sobbing in bed, frustrated and in pain. But
recovering has been made SO MUCH easier thanks to my family and friends.
Saying thank you is so inadequate. The overwhelming love and I
support I am feeling is humbling. What am I doing with my life to be so
deserving of such warmth and love? And how can I truly repay everyone?
Both my mom and my dad commented on how well I am recovering from the
surgery and honestly, it's not me, it's nothing I am doing. It is the
overwhelming love of my friends and family that is healing me. And not just
healing my body, but they are healing my soul. I feel so blessed and honored to
have such amazing people supporting me.
I can't begin to describe the humility I feel seeing so many
around me show how much they care. It's not in their words, they could all not
utter a word and I would still feel their love. It is in the actions, the
numerous phone calls, flowers, cards, gifts, messages, posts and prayers! Oh my
goodness, I feel your prayers. It's like a thick warm blanket has been wrapped
around me.
It has been a fantastic time for reflection on who I am and what I
am putting out in the world. I believe you get back 10 fold whatever you put
out. If it’s negative, that will always come back. But I've tried so hard to do
things the right way, fix the wrongs, mend the broken fences and tonight, I am
rewarded with the harvest.
My heart has been so hardened over the last couple months and I've
been so full of anger and bitterness for the past year really. But today I feel
as if every ounce of that hurt and anger has been sapped away and replaced with
love and hope.
I feel a drastic change has come over me and I can only hope and
pray that this new feeling stays with me and keeps the bitterness from invading
again. I want to feel this much peace every day. This much happiness and
joy.
The first change I want to make it the way I see myself. For the
past 15 years I've done nothing but hate (I know that's a strong word but its
true) the way my body has looked. Wishing I had more curves in some places,
less curves in others. I’ve criticized every picture that has been taken of me
because it showed all my flaws and imperfections. But I look at those old
pictures now (the ones I hated) I think MAN I wish I looked like that again.
Wishing… always wishing for something different. Well I’ve wished away the 15
years, 15 YEARS that I cannot get back. And I am done wishing.
This body that I’ve wished away has danced center stage in the
spotlight, cheered at football games, rocked my babies to sleep, walked down
lonely dirt roads, climbed mountains. This body has fallen, and gotten back up.
And this body is mine. This is the body I chose in the pre-existence. And
started today, I choose to love it, to love me. Love every scare and extra
curve. I refuse to hid from any unflattering photo again, let them be posted,
because they are me. This is who I am, this is the life I choose before I was
born and I don’t want to wish away another moment.
I know it's never too late to make things right and take the
better path. I want to live every single moment to the fullest. There are going
to be more challenges, more tough times. But in each challenge there are blessing.
And the blessings will absolutely come to you when you need them the
most!
Never give up, love yourself and be thankful for one blessing, or
two, at a time.
